If he’d shown even basic compassion, I have no doubt I’d still be there. They say you shouldn’t make major life changes in the first six months after a loss, and I understand why. I was lucky to find another job quickly, but starting somewhere new while grieving – learning systems and building relationships when you don’t even know who you are – is incredibly hard.

In the UK, many companies offer just five days’ bereavement leave, but employers don’t have to offer any at all. This isn’t just inadequate; it’s harmful. We don’t talk enough about death, and I think that lack of openness feeds misunderstanding about how debilitating grief can be. Ideally, there would be a statutory right to more compassionate leave. But in the meantime, employers should trust staff to know how much time they need. Some organisations already do this. Both of my sisters’ employers were kind and supportive from the moment Mum became ill, telling them to take whatever time they needed. I’m relieved to now work somewhere that understands people have lives beyond their jobs.

Looking back, my one regret is not taking time off with a sick note sooner. Even if it had cost me my job, it would have been worth it. We only had a little over two months with Mum after her diagnosis. I cherish the time we spent together, but I’m still angry about how my former employer made me feel guilty for grieving, and I’m sad about the time I wasted worrying about work. Jobs come and go. You can’t get time back with someone you love.

* Anastasia Murphy is a pseudonym.

If you’re experiencing grief, Cruse Bereavement Support is a charity that offers expert bereavement and grief support. You can call the helpline on 0808 808 1677 or find local support via the Cruse website.

Mind also offers help and support for bereavement.

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