The True Cost: “We’re putting off having another baby so we won’t have 2 children in nursery at the same time – I’m worried we might not have another”
Welcome to The True Cost, a candid look at the price we pay – literally and emotionally – to navigate our careers and families. This month, Sarah*, 36, from Bedfordshire, who works in financial services, shares how she, together with her husband and their daughter, makes it work.
Childcare costs have risen faster than inflation for the tenth year in a row; astoundingly, the average cost of care in the UK for children under two years old is now £159.61 per week (part-time) or £305.11 per week (full-time), according to Coram’s 2024 childcare survey. These figures make the UK childcare system among the most expensive in the world. Sarah*, a married mother-of-one who lives in Bedfordshire, shares how she makes it work and the sacrifices she’s made along the way.
What is your childcare set-up? “Our daughter is 14 months old, and I went back to work about seven months ago. She goes to nursery five days a week as I work full-time. My husband is self-employed, but if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid, so we have no other option as we don’t have any family living nearby to help us out. I love my job but feel like I haven’t always made the ‘best’ choices along the way, even though I thought I was doing everything right at the time.”
What is The True Cost? “Our household income (my husband and I combined) is £6,500 a month. After paying £2,100 towards our mortgage and £2,000 towards nursery fees, the remaining money goes on household bills, our car and travelling up to see our family in Scotland and Newcastle. My parents have a house in Spain, so we use that for a holiday once a year, and we realise we’re really lucky to be able to do this.
“For me, the true cost is coming to terms with the fact that we might not be able to afford to have more than one child. At the moment, we can just about make it work, but we can’t even think about having a second child until our daughter is at school, because we can’t justify spending £50,o00 a year on nursery fees. By that time, I’ll be heading towards my 40s, and I’m worried about what will happen to my fertility by then.”
Scroll down to read more, in Sarah’s words, about how she makes it work.
I thought I’d done all the right things to set myself up financially for a family
I worked really hard in my career to get as far up the ladder as I possibly could before I had children. I’ve had several industry moves, I worked my way up the ladder, I bought a house and got married – I did all the things in the ‘right’ order, so I could move on to the having babies phase of my life.
I had my daughter (who is amazing), and I’d love to have a second, but nursery is over £2,000 a month for us. It’s an amazing nursery, but it’s not even the most expensive one locally.
We don’t have any family nearby that can help out for a day or so a week. I wanted to work full-time, and my husband needs to have flexibility in order to be able to work as often as he can, so that left us with five days a week of nursery – around £25,000 a year.
I just feel disappointed because I feel I’ve done everything I possibly could to be in a good position to have a family. I set up my life for it, and it makes me feel really sad. It feels unfair. I know I’m so lucky to have my daughter, but it does feel disappointing.
I’m worried about leaving it too late to have a second child
I’m 36 now. In an ideal world, I’d have had a small-ish gap between children, perhaps a couple of years, but if we do end up having a second, we’ll have to time it very carefully to ensure we don’t have two sets of nursery fees.
My biggest issue is my age. If we keep delaying, I’ll be closer to my 40s, and who knows what impact that will have on my fertility. Biologically speaking, I’d love to have been trying for a baby towards the end of my daughter’s second year, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
Credit: Courtesy TBC
The logistics are a big factor
It feels like such a cold way of thinking about how to create your family, but we have to consider the logistics. My husband has said he can’t even discuss having another child right now, but I feel an emotional pull. We’d have to make the decision jointly, but at the moment, he thinks life would be so much simpler. We can afford a lovely life now, and he worries about how we’ll manage with more than one child.
We’re also worried about what will happen when our daughter goes to school, because we can’t afford to move into a better school catchment area. Our local schools don’t have great reputations, and they’re not what I’d want for her, but our choices are to move or send her to private school, which I didn’t want to do. If we only have one child, it might be doable, but with two, our options would be much more limited.
Lower childcare costs would mean we’d be able to consider a second child
I don’t understand how other people are doing it – we live a very modest lifestyle, and we still struggle without any family nearby to support us. Another £25,000 for a second child’s nursery place would mean spending £75,000 a year on the mortgage and childcare, which is an astronomical amount. Every single penny of my earnings would be swallowed up by this, and it doesn’t feel fair.
What shocks me is that most people would think we were ‘rich’ if they looked at my salary alone. We’re very lucky to own a modest house. But when a six-figure salary can’t cover both the mortgage and nursery fees (never mind the bills, running a car in a rural area, extortionate train travel costs to get to work and food shopping), then there’s a systemic issue. It must be near impossible for single parents or low earners to manage without help from family or friends.
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*name has been changed
Images: Getty and TBC
